The conversation with I had with mom.
Through my healing process I have had a life coach. I participated in various spiritual education processes. I have also participated in a Healing Intensive via the Womb Sauna. The intensive was a tipping point. I was urged to free up my throat chakra by speaking my truth and expressing the hurts I’ve experienced from my mother in order to heal the relationship, express unconditional love (for self and mothers) and grow beyond my own bounds.
I had a script that I practiced with Thema, the Womb Sauna owner and guide through the process. We practiced. She asked me when I was going to make it happen and I scheduled it for the next day at 12pm. I held myself accountable by texting my mom to see if she was available for the day and time. Before the time arrived though, I tried to talk myself out of it. I really really did. I said everything you could imagine to get out of it. “Its not that serious, I don’t need to do that”, “I can do it another day or reschedule it for another time”…but why did this woman who is so educated, has convos about everything under the sun with others, could not muster up the courage to speak to someone I love about setting boundaries around our communications that are essential to shifting our family legacy. That is a serious issue that too many women deal with. Power houses at work, stifled at home or vice versa. It is the double life we can not maintain. I refused to continue to maintain because it was holding me back…from what? Not sure yet but I took the risks of self-expression to find out. Well, I called at 12pm on Tuesday and repeated the script went just like this:
“I am in this process of personal development and part of this process is learning to forgive, speak my truth and be my best self. Because of this I wanted to speak to you about a few things that you’ve said that have stuck with me in a negative way 1. when I was moving out of your house you said ‘I hope it doesn’t work out so that you can move back in with me’ and 2. ‘recently when you were at my house speaking to David (my husband), insinuating that he would be cheating on me when he travels to Nigeria.’ I was not comfortable with those things being said.”
Her responses were benign and showed that she thought she was being playful. She apologized. Though I was not looking for and apology because the purpose was to expressing my own feelings with love. I understand that sometimes we say things we don’t mean. Through those times we learn to speak more impeccably at other times. I also came to understand that her own mindset and fears made her express that. However, my response is also important in showing that I do not speak that way into my own life, and I do not expect someone whom I love and wants to be in my life to speak that way either. I am humbled by the experience and truly hope other women can have those conversations and create those boundaries with anyone they feel necessary in their lives. I feel having these convos with our mothers does heal that relationship and shift the generational legacies. Not every persons conversations will go that well but at least being able to feel you are empowered to express yourself to someone who is so important in our lives creates a movement of positive energy and understanding of ourselves and those we love. It also encourages our understanding of our children and assists our demonstration of healthy emotional communication for them.
Let’s talk about the conversation you need to have with your mother or anyone in your life you’ve been holding back from expressing your boundaries to. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or http://www.cecileedwards.com