Diversity, Inclusion, Equity and Motherhood

The conversation on diversity, inclusion and equity must more readily include motherhood. Some mother biases include:

  • single mothers, same sex families, working mothers, stay-at-home mothers.
  • perception of mothers of color
  • parenting styles
  • mothers’ work environment capabilities and options
  • women with one child or multiple children
  • mothers of children with disabilities
  • plus sized mothers – just to name a few.

The purpose of this blog is not to pontificate or make some grand conclusions about HOW to achieve but instead to start by adding mothers to the conversation at large. We often live with and act on biases we receive from society, family or education. In order to view this topic differently we have to unpack how we view the topic in the first place and actively engage ourselves in questioning our perceptions.

What I have observed is that the way we treat and perceive mothers is extended to the children.

What are you unpacking? What are you doing to reframe the conversations around mothers?

Cecile Edwards, M.Ed, Creative Director – MomEvolve

Mommy Guilt & Woman Shame

“….the father represents the outer world point of view, the collective ideal that pressures women to be wilted rather than wildish. Even so, there is no shame and blame if you have given away the flowering boughs [psychic innocence]. Yes, you have suffered for it, no doubt. And you may have given it away for years, even for decades. But there is hope.”

Mommy guilt is the uneasy, doubtful, sorrowful feeling you get for not doing something you’ve been told you ‘should’ or for doing something you think you shouldn’t have done. This guilt causes many mothers to: second guess parenting decisions, over perform or over give in the parenting dynamic sacrificing themselves without expectations or out of fear, not ask for help, feel crappy when we don’t share EVERYTHING! – Hide and have your snack mommas!, never invest in ourselves but instead on the children only, withhold/negate your dreams and goals to uplift the children in their activities, etc., and feel like you shouldn’t feel or act a certain way about an issue or topic related to your child based on social pressures – not your values. These are just a few that I’ve experienced. How does mommy guilt affect you? (more on this later)

Woman shame is the feeling that something is wrong with you because of something that has been done to you or you’ve done.  Shame causes women to hold on to secrets that are insidious to their well-being. As a result of these actions woman tends to feel like there is something wrong with her – as if she is not worthy of happiness, freedom, peace or any of her desires. Woman shame is closely related to mommy guilt because we live in a society that shames women for not expressing ourselves in ways that others prescribe. If we do something outside of the norm we feel guilty and are shamed for it – making us feel the need to hide. From our youth girls are taught that the “correct” way to be is quiet, unassuming, not desiring of much, modest, to muffle the emotions, etc. Of course we carry this into adulthood – any infraction we keep secret for fear that people will see us as unworthy or worse – not see us at all. This spills over into the way we perceive mothers and carry out our mothering. This shame causes us to: hide our truth, Not speak our true desires and interests let alone live them, incessantly compare our lives to other’s with disdain – staggering our own growth, chase perfectionism, feel unworthy of love and support thereby affecting our receipt of love and support, expect the ‘good’ child and feel overwhelmed when the child is not and so much more. Woman shame is the feeling that something is wrong with you because of something that has been done to you or that you’ve done.  Shame causes women to hold on to secrets that are insidious to their psychic, emotional and spiritual well-being. Many women who harbor shame are afraid someone will find out what has been done and excommunicate her from her community or label her as a bad woman or mother.  As a result women tend to feel like there is something wrong with her – as if she is not worthy of happiness, freedom, peace or any of her desires. Woman shame is closely related to mommy guilt because we live in a society that shames women for not expressing ourselves in ways that others prescribe. If we do something outside of the norm we feel guilty and are shamed for it – making us feel the need to hide. From our youth girls are taught that the “correct” way to be is quiet, unassuming, not desiring of much, modest, to muffle the emotions, etc. Of course we carry this into adulthood – any infraction we keep secret for fear that people will see us as unworthy or worse – not see us at all. This spills over into the way we perceive mothers and carry out our mothering. This shame causes us to: hide our truth, Not speak our true desires and interests let alone live them, incessantly compare our lives to others with disdain – staggering our own growth, chase perfectionism, feel unworthy of love and support thereby affecting our receipt of love and support, expect the ‘good’ child and feel overwhelmed when our children don’t fit into societal and familial boxes and so much more.

Guilt and shame causes a woman to harbor confusion and lack of self-trust. In confusion, clear values and ideas can not thrive because decisions are based on fear and the desire to please others. Living by values that come from a deep inner guide solidifies the confidence, resilience, trust, self-respect, and authenticity which with one lives their lives. After all, these are the very skills we often try to build within our children. I posit that in order to build those in our children we have to unearth what has caused us to block a healthy relationship with these within ourselves. Guilt and shame can not survive in authenticity and trust.

Moreover, women get many mixed signals from society that further exacerbates guilt and shame. For example, women may hear these conflicting ideas – “A woman that stays at home doesn’t contribute to the household.” and “A working woman can’t take care of her household.” Imagine the guilt and shame of women who may not keep up in either area. The authenticity and trust we build internally will cause us to speak truthfully about our ideas and try methods that suit our needs without feeling like a failure or unequipped. Some women may stay at home and know that this is an unpaid worthy position negotiating the ability to still have assistance. A working woman will budget for cleaners to come to her home a few times per month or order a meal prep service without feeling insufficient. She will determine if these work for her and shift if she needs to. Or a woman may shamelessly and unapologetically take on the task of being a housewife or working mother as it is. The point is that whatever the decision – it is yours for you to own and ponder and shift as you see fit. Our decisions should negate the guilt and shame that causes us to become paralyzed in our decision-making by either causing us to concede without thought to ideas and actions that do not serve us or causes us to NOT take action at all.
 

It is time for us to unpack these expectations and stories that cause so many women to live in guilt and shame so that each woman can live authentically.  It is time for women to set their own blueprint for mothering. It is time to release shame ridden opinions and child rearing practices. 

ACTIVITY: SPEAK YOUR TRUTH TO POWER RELEASING GUILT/SHAME

Take a sheet of paper. On the left side of a sheet of paper write down a few things you may be feeling guilty or shameful about. Remember guilt is how you feel about something you did whereas shame is how you feel about yourself based on something you did or someone did to you. Write these out. For example you may put – I yelled at my child for ‘x’, I got jealous toward my friend for ‘y’, etc. Whatever it is for you – be truthful about it. It is good to write it out because guilt and shame lives in the shadows and in order to deal with them you have to call them out. Only do a few the first time 3-5 perhaps. On the right side of the paper, express WHY you feel the way you do. Did you yell because you were tired, feeling overwhelmed, didn’t know any other way to express yourself. Did you feel the tinge of jealousy because you aren’t in the place you desire to be or feel like you need to be in competition with all your female friends? You may need to sit with this a while. Since guilt and shame rides off of an internalized social construct around how we should conduct ourselves this will have to be unraveled to become more intentional and authentic about our responses.

Now I want you to place your hand over your heart and speak to your body: “shame and guilt does not live here. I feel the full range of my emotions and know what I desire. I speak of the shameful to release myself from mine and other’s judgments. ” 

Continue to release yourself. To work closely with me sign up for my six week, self-paced masterclass “Evolve the Inner Mother” where women gain the foundation to unearthing their authentic selves and discover a blueprint for evolving. This life changing class will shift you. Sign up at momevolve.setmore.com – for inquiries write momevolve@gmail.com

Self-care is often shamed, especially for mothers but mommy evolve is unpacking this and calling you to join my mommy mini retreats. Step outside of your duties and jump off your weekend in fun, play and release. Play games, drink wine, get a massage or yoni steam, and so much more. Save the date – August 17th. More to come soon! Spaces are limited. 

Self-Care is a Journey – not a destination

I define self-care as the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual care we give ourselves in an integrated way and indefinitely. By this I mean that self-care is not about a one time trip to the mall, hair or nail salon. Self-care is about the intention in that trip, how you feel about life and yourself before taking that trip and whether that feeling is true. Self-care is NOT unintentional in this definition. Self-care requires self-awareness, reflection and initiative to shift. Self-care requires patience, self-love and the ability to forgive and be forgiven within the self.

Self-care is a buzzword now but when I started my journey – all of the above ideas are what I considered and had already been on the journey of practicing and refining for myself.

Since the beginning of my unraveling of self-care, hence, my self-awareness I’ve realized that what I had been learning, doing and feeling were not set in stone – and I have been practicing strategic self-care. When we are on auto-pilot with our self-care we are often in the mindset of “doing” instead of “being”. This is why I say that self-care is a state of mind not just an individual act. When you are in the mode of “being” self-care, getting your hair and nails done takes on a whole new definition and is a whole new experience. In “doing” self-care we go to the therapist, but without information instead of speaking our truth in the safe space and getting the help we know we desire. (Waves hand! – I’ve been there!). In “doing” self-care we vent to friends, without an interest in their wisdom – we just dump. In “doing” self-care, we shop to fill a avoid in our psyche where emotional self-expression, spiritual seeking and rest should reside.

In my unaware self-care days I used to think that getting my hair and nails done DEFINED how well cared for I was. Now I know those things don’t define me at all but getting them is due to my inner joy, not my attempt to mask my outer frustrations. I sleep better and more now because it is a part of my “being” well, not because I thought I was supposed to be asleep by 9pm each day (which I would force myself to try to sleep but I wasn’t tired or too anxious to sleep) but because I am naturally tired from being fulfilled in my day. In fact, because sleep is part of my “being” I am now able to take non-negotiable naps throughout my day.

If I could define I would say “doing” is mindless and socially constructed while “being” is internal drive. We can see this with any subject – grief, forgiveness, love, finances, sex, self-expression, fashion, etc.

Think about how you practice self-care, your strategies and preferences and consider if it is your act of “doing” or your “being” that drives you. Discover and craft your own journey so that what you do does not feel like a dead-end destination.

I love to support women in unraveling themselves and healing! Schedule a time with me. I would love to support you!

New Year Resolutions are Actually Self-Care affirmations

Self-Care is always on my resolution list.

Happy New Year! Welcome to day 11 of 2019 and day 14 of my personal New Year!

While we are celebrating the New Year as a whole, I just celebrated my PERSONAL New Year aka, my birthday, on December 29th and this is the time for ME to reset and revisit my year.  

Self-Care is the critical piece of my ALL my resolutions because as I define in my book, self-care is the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual work we do to heal ourselves daily.  Every intention we set, every word we utter, every thought we think is either taking us away from wellness or adding to our wellness.  Therefore, our self-care is integral to our well-being on all levels and the foundation for our goals/resolutions/intentions. 

I realize that in 2018 I did some amazing things! I spoke at conferences, started a podcast, nurtured postpartum doula/mentoring clients, took some amazing courses, healed my spirit and some relationships deeply, lost some relationships, traveled to new places and so much more.

All of these were goals/intentions I started 2018 with and I nurtured my mind, body, spirit and actions to achieve them! This year, my focus is on even DEEPER self-care by challenging myself to go higher and cross into uncharted territories.  This includes: wealth building, creating legacy, deepening relationships I already have while creating healthier ones, more travel, more uninterrupted self-focus with unapologetic self-intimacy.  (I am smiling so hard when I write this because I know it will all manifest and sustain). I remember not believing my desires could manifest and honestly this is the only difference between those who practice unapologetic and sacred self-care and those who don’t – BELIEF. 

So I would urge you, no matter where you are in your self-care and healing journey to celebrate every mental, spiritual, emotional win as wider ability to BELIEVE in yourself and what you can create for yourself and future generations.

To help you through,  here are some tools you can use to build a new routine and perspective around self-care:

– create a power word for the week, month, year, day to help you refocus on your self-care.  Mine is JOY and femininity.
– carve out a self-care day each week to spend time with yourself to reflect.  I started implementing Sunday’s from 12pm to the next morning as mine and it has been marvelous!
– journal – journaling helps you to focus and also creates accountability and allows you to see how far you’ve come

If you or anyone you know needs accountability with their self-care goals schedule an appointment

Stay tuned for MommyEvolve online courses in Energy Awareness and Mothering, Self-Care for Mothers, and Menarche preparation and nurturing – to name a few. 

Let this year and every year be your best and continuously BUILD!

With Love,
Cecile

The Space Between

Recently I have been thinking heavily on how we acquire knowledge but don’t apply it.  We are all at different stages.  In certain areas in my life, I apply knowledge quickly and indefinitely.  In some areas such as creating boundaries and weight loss – I have a corpus of knowledge that has yet to be applied or tried and failed on occasions.

When I first started learning Reiki, for example, the process made so much sense to me.  Something to LIVE rather than study.  However, I struggled with applying it via self-treatments for some time.  The self-focus, intentionality, etc. sounds magnificent – but when that has never been your reality – it can be hard to stay the course in action because your subconscious habits that will urge you to come back and feel comfortable.

COMFORTABLE.

I believe the space between application of knowledge and knowledge is comfort and change battling one another for your energy.

That space is both uncomfortable and hopeful and many of us do not know what to do with the swirl of these energies – how to stay grounded in your new conceptualization of self and life – while wanting to remove yourself from the old.

With all I know I still feel uncomfortable in this space.  Now, however, through many trials, successes, failures, recommitting, loving myself more deeply, speaking my truth, meeting new people, and learning to see life as a journey and adventure – I see that this space between is essential to sharpen our axe, sharpen our wisdom, give us more material to destroy negative cycles and unveil our gifts.  As a postpartum doula, mentor and coach, I hope space here for women constantly.  I realize it is a common space that is okay to be in.  It hearkens to the beauty that we have a choice.

I have also learned that while in this space take time to think about your thoughts – the fancy word used by educators and therapists is metacognition or cognitive therapy.  When you think about what you think and ask yourself enough questions via mental exercise or – even better – journal, you can get to the root of why you are doing the things you do and consider alternatives to those thoughts and actions so you can choose better.

Besides thinking about what you are thinking in this “space between” you can also:

  • see a therapist
  • see a life coach certified in Cognitive behavioral therapy
  • see a hypnotist for psychotherapy sessions
  • talk to a wise elder
  • read books about people who have overcome your current issue

The point here is that you do not have to get lost in the space between who you were and where you want to be, you do not have to bow to consistent restarting of a process because of lack of discipline, or worse you do not have to believe you are incapable of receiving or achieving what you desire and never even try.

Let the space between, with all it’s darkness be the space where you find your highest self instead of become stagnant.

With Love,

Cecile Edwards

CEO/CREATIVE DIRECTOR, MOMMYEVOLVE

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Chakras, Parenting, Self-Care

Understanding our chakras is critical to healing ourselves and understanding many of the challenges and opportunities for self-reflection and growth that parenting presents. This overview is for a more in depth understanding of chakras for a parent who desire to destroy generational cycles and activate sacred self-care.

First, Chakras are seven spinning wheels of energy within the human energy field that keeps our psychological, emotional and spiritual well-being in harmony. These wheels of energy start from the base of our spine and go up to a few inches above our head. Knowledge of chakras is thousands of years old, found in spiritual texts of India and used to treat mental, spiritual and physical diseases with much success throughout history. Your chakras are the invisible connection between your physical countenance and your metaphysical existence. The energy in your chakras can either be overactive, underactive or in balance. There are various factors that cause our chakras to become misaligned or blocked. When they are, we must discover the causes for the blockage and intentionally remove them. We have to have strong awareness of familial and individual patterns in order to do so.

We often discuss how a child is connected to their parents by blood and genetics, however it is my contention that there needs to be more consideration on how children are energetically and spiritually connected to their parents. How do the quality of a parents chakras affect their child? This could be a very revealing and powerful understanding because our parents’ state of emotional and spiritual wellness affects us deeply. For example, in learning about “Spirit Babies” you get to see how the energetic cord of a couples’ unborn child is attached to them awaiting the spiritual or emotional readiness of the parent, oftentimes the mother, to bring the child forth. Many mothers can feel their child emotionally and spiritually before conceiving or having them. I dreamt of my daughter before having her. She came into my emotional awareness before I knew the circumstances of her physical manifestation. If you are attempting to conceive without success, consider seeing a medium for assistance – they may reveal a spiritual circumstance blocking the child’s arrival or shed light on other things that amplify your self-awareness and ease through knowing who you are. Furthermore when you’ve had a child and you are experiencing difficulties with them, it may serve you well to look within to see where you may need to become more aware of your needs and heal.
As previously stated, when a Chakra is out of balance, the area of the person’s life that it dictates is also out of balance. For instance, the throat chakra dictates the ability to unapologetically speak your truth, if this is blocked, cloudy, or minimized in anyway — you experience the inability to get your needs met, speak your truth, express yourself (in speaking or writing), etc. You may even have an issue with over or under eating. These will affect your child because he/she will observe your behavior, feel your energy and mimic your actions, thereby affecting their chakras. I will speak more about the chakras and how they affect your parenting, and any manifestations they may have in your child. Below are the Chakras and the power they have in the mothering bond, recognizing how imbalances manifest in the chakras, and tips for self-care in healing any blockages around the chakras.

ROOT CHAKRA – Represented by the color red is said to be the chakra that determines how grounded you are in your self-awareness, connection to the earth and feelings of personal safety on the earth. This is the base chakra that begins the unlocking of the chakras. This chakra is most important when considering the mother/child bond. In childhood we feel safe when we are affirmed, appreciated, feel seen and heard and have a healthy attachment to people that protect and care for us. As an adult we require the same – we also must develop a deeper bond with our spiritual entourage (guides, benevolent ancestors) in order to feel even more stable and grounded. For many this chakra is off balance because there isn’t a feeling of safety in the world and no trust in the stable and regenerative force of the universe but most importantly no strong bonds to safety through being sufficiently mothered. This could manifest because our mothers were not present due to work obligations or her disinterest in parenting or she did not get the same grounding and affirmation and therefore does not understand its importance or have tools to foster the groundedness. Also, oftentimes emotional disappointments where one doesn’t feel safe and supported are huge for mother/child bonds.
Symptoms of an off balance root chakra are restlessness, insecurity, anger and aggression. Lack of feeling safe and rooted will cause people to lash out. In order to practice self-care and heal, one must be clear on what their values are, develop self-trust, have a team of individuals you can trust, become rooted in mentally and spirituality, practice healthy money management where you save, invest, spend, and give back in ways that affirm your values (which root you). As a parent you must practice self-care through ensuring you feel heard, seen, loved, appreciated and affirmed through everything you do – relationships, work, and self-talk. In this way you can do the same for your child. To do so, create a positive affirmation around those areas of self-worth and wealth you desire to improve. For example, I make it a practice to say “All of my needs are met and exceeded daily” and “I am worthy of forgiveness”. I speak these when insecurities arise to re-center and ground myself. This self-awareness will create awareness and space in your spirit to activate this in your child.

SACRAL CHAKRA – The sacral chakra sits below your belly button and represented by the color orange. It is in the womb area in women and is considered a feminine chakra — directly fed by the root chakra. This is the chakra important for creation, creative ideas, your ability to nurture and be nurtured. When the sacral chakra is blocked you may feel uncertain about life and its challenges, finding it difficult to cope with any changes in a way that makes you feel out of control of your life. Detachment and rigidness, inability to ride out life’s ups and downs, low self-worth and self-esteem are all vestiges of an unhealthy sacral chakra. It is said when this chakra is blocked that depression, insecurity, fear, detachment, gynecological cysts, abnormal menstruation, back pain, constipation, inability to achieve orgasm, low sex drive (male or female), – are psychological, mental and physical manifestations. If the sacral is blocked in parents it may be difficult for parents to nurture the children. Women/Mothers need to know their worth and act accordingly whether it is how they respond to people who treat them in ways they are not in tuned with or if it is asking for what they require financially. Women/Mothers also need solid coping mechanisms for the inevitability of life. Spirituality is critical here since we tend to create chaos for ourselves because we didn’t want to deal with temporary disappointments, upsets and hurts. Developing nuance and discernment assists us with this. Feeling stable and care for, hence why our self-care in the form of loving ourselves but also allowing others to love us and the ability to receive is critical. Ylang Ylang and patchouli are essential oils that assist with healing this. My proprietary blend of essential oils EVOLVE and MANIFEST as a bath soak or energy mists assists in strengthening the Sacral Chakra energies. You can find them at mommetime.ecwid.com

SOLAR PLEXUS – This is your third chakra, represented by the color yellow. The solar plexus is located in the upper abdomen and governs how at peace you are with yourself. Primarily associated with self-esteem confidence and willpower. When you have stomach ailments this may be a result of distorted self concept. When this chakra is under active a child may not be receiving enough affirmation from caregivers, parents or other adults in their lives. They may feel judged. If it is over active they may have a distorted sense of what the world owes them due to always being affirmed even when doing incorrect things. If a parent suffers from things like the all too common IBS, constipation or other stomach upsets this can be a sign. Same for children. Excessive solar plexus energy could mean over eating, controlling behavior and fatigue/excessive laziness. An underactive solar plexus could present as lack of confidence, inability to focus/organization, insecurity anxiety and fear. I tell the story in my book “The Mommy Magic Handbook” of how I felt my daughter’s stomach issues were a manifestation of my overworking and lack of personal attention to her. I have met and spoken to many mothers who share this story. Yellow stones such as citrine, yellow meditations or energy healing that targets this area can all be beneficial, as well as developing a strong/balanced mindset about the child’s sense of self.

HEART CHAKRA – This chakra is the fourth and represented with the color green. The heart chakra governs compassion, empathy, judgement of self and others. An overactive heart chakra manifests as codependency, looking outward for acceptance or fulfillment, intense jealousy or harsh judgements of others. An under-active heart chakra manifests as shyness and feelings of loneliness, inability to forgive and lack of empathy and leading with your head more than with your heart. Repressed emotions are the primary reason your heart chakra is blocked. There may be a traumatic childhood event or a slight someone did against you. We often hold these in because we do not know how to address them. I have to say that when we as parents have these traumas, if we do not seek to actively heal them, they can pass on to our children. Reflecting, processing and speaking the truth around these significantly help in breaking the cycles. I have heard so many stories of daughters who experienced what their mothers experienced without knowing it for many years. Healing your heart means being open with your emotions, not clinging to your feelings so you can stay in the present and realize why you even have these feelings in the first place. Self acceptance and acceptance of others without judgement because we are all evolving is a powerful way to open your heart. This is essential compassion to bring to your parenting, but also with the understanding that you are nurturing a resilient child as well. Determine how/where you can open your heart in the process. This chakra is said to be the balancing between the lower and upper chakras as it is in the middle of the chakras. Green light meditations also assist with opening the heart chakra as well. These meditation can be found on youtube.

THROAT CHAKRA – The fifth chakra represented by the color blue and governs the ability to speak your truth clearly and with confidence. A blocked throat chakra is indicative of the inability to clearly express your ideas, desires and feelings for fear of being judged or ridiculed. If the throat chakra is under-active you may be stoic, fearful or quiet. An overactive throat chakra is indicated as over talking or the “gift of gab”. When this chakra is opened and balanced you are able to express yourself clearly and honestly with confidence. You also speak deliberately. Inability to express our desires is a common issue among many mothers or any woman in our families as many were taught that their desires were to be suppressed in order to rear the children, take care of the home or any other task that removed them from living out their desires. I hear women say that they never expressed a certain desire because they didn’t believe it was possible. Consider how this may affect your children? Never hearing someone express a desire then achieve it may hamper their ability to know that speaking your truth and getting what you desire as a real possibility.
Common physical signs of throat chakra blockage is sore throat, mouth sores, thyroid problems, hoarseness or neck pain. Emotional, mental blockages manifest as fear of speaking, inability to express thoughts, shyness, inconsistency in speech and actions, social anxiety, and inhibited creativity. An overactive throat chakra can manifest as deceptiveness, arrogance and manipulation.
In order to heal this, we need to release negative emotions including guilt and shame in order to reinforce our worthiness to speak our truths to get what we desire. Crying and writing are great ways to release energy in that center and restore balance. Mindful speech, actions and deeds — like only saying what you can do or what you mean. Really practicing integrity with your words. This is powerful when speaking to trusted friends or family so you can get out what you feel. Finally, since the color blue represents this chakra, incorporating it in any way is essential. Be mindful how we allow our children to express themselves too. Do you tend to squelch their ability to speak their truth? Do you allow them to speak big dreams? Are you open to hearing others speak their truth in various ways? These are all questions to assist you in developing a healthy relationship with your throat chakra. I also joined Toastmasters International in my area in order to work on my fear of speaking to groups.

THIRD EYE CHAKRA – The sixth chakra represented by the color indigo, is in between the eyebrows and is the seat of your intuition. A relationship with our intuition requires us to have a deep level of trust in our gifts, purpose and abilities. An overactive third eye often causes women to over-indulge in a fantasy world, they are not rooted and have many passing visions. An underactive third eye manifests as having no vision or trust in self. This is a difficult thing for many women and in mothering this can be even more dangerous to not have honed because not only are you charged with your own purpose and knowledge of self but also molding another to understand theirs. Balance is achieved when we can make decisions from a space of neutrality and can determine the difference between reality and dreams.
Your third eye chakra may be blocked if you struggle with overthinking, indecisiveness,lack of faith in your purpose, feeling pointless, depression and anxiety, insomnia, finding your work and life meaningless, back pain, leg pain, headaches (tension headaches in the brow area are common), and eye discomfort. Unlocking a blocked third eye requires listening to your intuition(gut feelings), finding/understanding and living your purpose and find balance between your emotions and reason. These can be difficult to do because we have often been raised in a society and families that do not honor intuition/intuitive gifts and vision but instead only what is seen like hard data. However, the tides are changing and more people are seeking a deeper meaning of life for themselves. This requires knowing yourself very well, understanding your family history and why you perform and function how you do but also trusting the small, still voice that guides you. Third eye blockage also affects our ability to visualize. Often we can not do that because of fears and anxieties related to past occurrences, being overly intellectual, and worry about the future. Trust in your inner voice allows you to visualize the life you desire and be present in the moment. It is also critical to see behind the physical or words presented to you in order to have a healthy third eye. It is critical we heal our own third eye so we can properly nurture our children. There are also other prescriptions about how to heal your third eye like wearing purple, eating purple foods and working with purple stones, all of which may be advantageous. Irrespective of the ritual you decide, everyone needs support — someone to understand their process and help them walk through it. If you are interested in receiving support and guidance in trusting yourself and releasing guilt, shame and fear blocking your intuitive gifts, schedule my Evolve the Inner Mother six-week course or sign up for individual sessions.

CROWN CHAKRA – The seventh chakra located above your head is represented by the color violet or white. It is the gateway to deeper self knowledge, connection to the universal life force energy, devotion, divine knowledge, inspiration and happiness. Connection to our spiritual selves is very critical for our understanding of our purpose and power as parents. There are so many moving parts, so many areas you may not understand or be clear about the outcome, this is why your spirituality and self-knowledge is critical. Some mental, physical and emotional blockages that manifest as a result of crown chakra under-activity are isolation – in ability to connect with others, lack of direction, in ability to set and achieve goals, thyroid issues, insomnia, depression, and self-sacrificing against higher wisdom.
Keeping the crown chakra in balance requires meditation and spiritual devotion. Imagine a white or violet light coming from above your head into your body. This is a powerful way to balance yourself. When the crown chakra is in balance you feel connected to the divine as a source of knowledge and inspiration.

In conclusion there are ways to determine how balanced your chakras are — through self-reflection, having your electromagnetic field read via machine, through a medium or a person who can read the human energy field with their eyes. It is critical to be in-tune with these energies and their effect on you so you can live your optimal life as well as direct your child’s. I hope to be able to assist you on your journey. Schedule a reiki session, past life reading, or coaching session/package HERE.
With Love,
Cecile

P.S. SAVE THE DATE: MOMMY MINI GETAWAYS will assist you in opening these areas as they are perfectly curated for moms who need to relax, rejuvenate and just get away! Check out the details and I look forward to seeing you there! You can also bring this to your city by contacting me @ momevolve@gmail.com

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For Daughters on Mother’s Day when their Mothering wasn’t enough…..

I get it.  We all love warm and gushy feelings.  It is far easier to discuss the light and feel good things than to peer into the dark or things that make us feel heavy and burdened because we know what to do with the light.  We can pass the light on, keep it shining and make it even more beautiful if we can.

But what about the darkness and heavy feeling topics.  Should they be ignored, unexplored, or forgotten.  After all we wouldn’t even know light if not for darkness.  Technically – Scientifically – the light can not exist without the dark.  Why then do we avoid dark topics?  Especially around those people, places and things that we are oftentimes told we MUST admire because the infallibility of them we perceive based on the character we assume they must possess due to them performing basic deeds and acts.  So if someone donates to charity we assume they are a charitable person.  If someone points out they donated for a tax break we may jump down their throats with all kinds of retorts.  A conversation around the plausibility of their statement isn’t even allowed.  It seems that we may allow positive assumptions around a positive role but shirk negative ones.  But this seems to have it’s limits to certain people.  We may love our family irrespective of their imperfections – but we would not do the same for a described dictator.  We think that one deserves a higher regard irrespective of their actions, while the other is inexcusable.  But Is there really a difference between them?    For instance, we are often made to be kind to family members that have used or abused us.  However, in the age of Donald Trump do we see the racists as family men/women that many are and often do a great job with their role or do we assume that their whole lives are filled with hate?  Most times we give our family members the benefit of doubt while the racist must be horrible all around.  I am not brining this out for you to embrace racists or to throw your family away, but instead to incite thought about who we extend all our grace to and why we choose to do so.  Mostly though for us to become more comfortable with discussing the light and the dark to understand that they co-exist and that dark nor light can ever be driven away completely.  Also, that sometimes the dark is more pronounced than the light or vice versa but even in those moments, each still exists. This is not a bad thing — it just is.

On the heels of Mother’s day, I got to see the beautiful glimmering stories about Mother’s and I love it.  I especially love that people have had nurturing, supportive relationships with their Mother’s which they can speak about and continues to create happy memories.  When we think about mother we think of nurturing, caring, someone who did everything for us without complaint, accepted us without judgement, said she loved us regularly and with big hugs.

However, what about those who did not have these experiences?  Can they speak their truth and it be understood, not judged?  Does the “but she is your mother”, “she did the best she could” offer true consolation for a woman who was abused, mentally, physically, spiritually by her earthly vessel give her any solace?  Unfortunately – It does not!  Instead it suppresses the individuals need to speak their truth and does not allow the dark side of mothering to be illuminated as it should.

Many will not believe the experiences of many women or think their story about their mother is an exaggeration. While we all have to forgive our Mother’s for something or believe their is something they could have done differently there are many narcissistic, un-nurturing, sociopath,  grimy mothers who have committed acts against children that do not warrant forgiveness.  Some children have to work through their traumas and create boundaries in order to build their best lives.   Many mothers are able to play the “i’m a great mother” act through manipulating the outward view of mothering such as a well-kept child or being able to purchase the child(ren) anything they desire.  I am not talking about the mother’s who tried and refined their processes and really did do what they felt were best – I am speaking on the mindset that mother knows best and at all cost.  Oftentimes the cost is the child’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  Many of these types of mother’s won’t admit their wrongs or even have a conversation around why what was done could be refined.  This is tough for a child.

The amount of reflection mothering and true self-care a mother requires in order to flourish is immense.  This is oftentimes not understood or extended to mothers in our current society for some reason.

Furthermore, contrary to popular belief being a Mother does not automatically make you nurturing, loving, accepting, and able to do all things all the time.  However, I do believe, as the bearers of legacy and culture we have the unique opportunity to fine tune, refine and change legacy through our reflection and self-care (my definition being the mental, spiritual and physical care required to be your best self).   In our current societal thought process Mother’s who “do the best that they can” (which too often means repeating negative generational patterns hinged on basic survival and not having agency over their parenting) do not owe their children an explanation or apology for the slights done to the unique souls they bring into this world, or that the children do not get to speak on the wounds created – perpetuates a mindset about Mothering that can be dangerous for future generations and mothers individuals’ personal development.  Unfortunately, oftentimes a child’s complaints that he/she was hurt often falls on deaf ears.  But shutting them down only leads to unresolved pain and missed opportunity to evolve the family’s story and renew the collective blueprint for Mothering into something that is principled, evolving and co-creative.

Perhaps the un/under mothered child can teach us how to raise generations more effectively, to develop a code of conduct in our family’s and communities that honors children and women in ways that allows Mothering to be seen as honorable again.  I believe that centuries of history of patriarchal mindset and women’s right to have women when they choose and with whom as well as wealth have severely hampered a great number of women’s ability to effectively parent.  This is not an excuse but a window to peer through to unravel generational stories, myths, and actions that have kept many of our children hurting and ill-equipped to focus on parenting using universal principle embracing the light and dark of people without bypassing it’s reality but to allow more light to shine that is based on the living of deep truths, not hiding of the shadows.

It is time for us to communicate better, heal old pains, have a deeper understanding of ourselves through our mothers, and not be afraid of the stories that we may not understand.

Listen in to this message below for the 2018 Mother’s Day Message. #MothersDayEveryday

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Keeping a clean home is not about judgement – it is about staying in your flow and power

Garnering and maintaining energy while keeping up with the many duties that women, specifically busy mothers have to tackle daily can be daunting when the purpose of the duties are for others consumption and perception.  As I grew and became more aware of my power as a woman, mother and manager of my home I realized how certain ideas that had been ingrained in me about keeping my home clean both helped and hindered my own energy and the energy of my home.  Let me paint the scene:

“Her house is dirty – how is she letting people come to her dirty house”

“She a nasty woman – look at her house”

“Keep your house clean or others will look at you like you are nasty”

We all heard some variation of these statements growing up and more specifically as adults.  In fact, women often struggle after delivery of their child with the idea of their homes not being clean – not from a perspective that a clean home will enhance their energy but from the perspective that they will be looked at unfavorably as a woman for keeping a nasty home.  We must shift the viewpoint with which we filter many of the lessons we learned as women about our value from judgement of our selves to the power of our roles.

Keeping your home clean is essential because a clean home – the primary place of manifestation – is critical to keeping the abundance, clarity and goal accomplishment of the family.   New things (ideas, thoughts, money, etc) can not enter into a space that is already occupied.  Try to think your way into a new place with old thoughts…it won’t be able to manifest because you will have all those old thoughts blocking it.  Same in a closet, you can have many beautiful clothes and shoes but if you do not clean out the closet you won’t even be able to appreciate what is there.  So our elder women who tried to teach us about cleanliness were right, a clean home is critical but less about what people will think about you and more about your synchronicity and awareness of the spiritual energies that are more available to you and can flow through you when you keep your home clean.  You can take this principle to your purse, your body, and your mind.  Your inclination for cleanliness is primordial because as a woman you are of the flow of the energies of the universe and you desire that flow uninhibited.

So consider how your space will be kept clean without the fear of judgement but instead with the expectation of positive energetic flow.  You can achieve a clean space relatively stress free when you expand your options.  Consider having a cleaner come in once a week, solicit help from your mate and child(ren), and/or keep a cleaning schedule.  I keep a cleaning schedule so that I can stay in flow with my desires.  I literally clean and consider my goals and desired manifestations and lifestyle, this is a ritual for your mind, space and spirit.  So I clean the bathrooms on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday so the tubs are always clean and smells good.  I keep the kitchen clean daily and clean the refrigerator/baseboards monthly.  Thirty minutes a day to freshen up the home has kept my sanity and energy flow high.  The invisible mitigating forces that assist us in accomplishing our goals see our diligence and care appreciate it and reward our commitment.  Some call these forces deities, gods/goddesses, spirits, pantheons, etc.  I call them my grace.

My hope is that this gave you a different paradigm to think about your role and power.  I also hope women see that generational stories have power to evolve and sustain or destroy.  Being mindful of the simplest stories, how they’ve affected you and how you process them is critical to your evolution and changing generational patterns.  Our power is in our ritual.

With Love,

Cecile

Ways we can “Mother Ourselves”into healing and self love

Mothering ourselves can be a bit tricky to navigate.  First, we have to removed the gendered identity of thinking love is a womanly “soft” love.  Instead we have to think of it as universal, ebb and flow, tough and ease – a dichotomy of emotional stances we must build within ourselves in order to grow and develop.  For example, a child doesn’t need an adult to softly speak ‘stop’ when they are about to burn themselves, they need that adult to go snatch them away from the fire.  That is mothering too.  And it also does not have to come through a woman – mothering is the nurturing needed at the moment and it is intuitive, but not always painless.

I realized I was mothering myself, not out of an absence of motherly love (though for some that is a starting point) but out of the desire to become who I truly am and to sincerely and earnestly be loved by ME.  Self love and adoration through your intuitive needs is the ultimate Mothering of Self because it requires reflection, honesty and changed behavior and it comes from a universal source that is here to nourish your highest self.

When I was determining if I should stay in my EdD program or leave, I decided that I should leave because it was not in my best interest at the time.  My Inner Mother, in all her wisdom, showed me that my opportunities to learn and grow were endless.  Leaving the program gave me time and space to spend more time with my daughter and with myself.  Ultimately, this decision was for my highest good.  Whether we have had a great relationship with our mothers or not, learning to love ourselves for ourselves is something that while it can be modeled must be practiced.

I want to share with you some ways you can and do “Mother yourself” today and everyday.

***stop giving a damn about people’s opinions.  Their opinions are a demonstration of what they think and where they are psychologically.  If what they think bothers you then you share their feelings about this thing on some level.  Meditate on that. Seek a deeper understanding for and of yourself and what was once spewed at you will not hold any weight anymore.

****Audre Lorde was a fierce defender of self-determination and definition.  In fact, the term “Mothering Ourselves” is most popularly known from one of her essays called “Eye to Eye”.  In this same spirit we must take personal responsibility for our present state of mental, physical and spiritual health.  We define how we want to live our lives and how we want it to look. If you are in agreement with everything, maintain.  If you are not, it is not your critics fault, though you can still shut you critic down for being an idiot.

****Do not use social media as your diary to see how many likes you can garner.  Your life is not about being liked by anyone but yourself.

****Be honest with how you feel, including to yourself with reflection and thoughtfulness.  Do this just the way you would want someone else to speak to you or you need to speak to yourself in order to be in practice of radical self love and healing.  Our missteps are our guides into something better.

****Don’t mind making mistakes so much, as long as you process why you did what you did and how it affects how you feel about yourself and treat yourself and others.  Reflection is a powerful tool. Incorporating lessons from mis-steps in life is critical.  Observing and reflecting on others mis-steps without judgement is a depth of wisdom.

**** Stare at yourself in the mirror and affirm yourself.

**** Take from and teach the lessons from your mis-steps. Teaching is learning.

****Practice reciprocity.  Give credit where it is due.  Pay people their worth because in doing so you are relating to the universe that you are clear about your own worth and are worthy to be exalted for your work.

****Slow down. If you rush through life, you will miss the opportunities to do all of the above.

This list is NOT exhaustive of all the things a woman can to do Mother herself.  In this world where women are expected to play respectability Mothering yourself will look like a mess to some and liberation to others but will feel like bliss to you and that is all that really matters.

Leave a comment with some testimonies on how you are/have been deeply loving yourself.

With Love,

Cecile

email me to join the “Evolve the Inner Mother intensive” accepting women on a rolling basis momevolve@gmail.com

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FORGIVENESS?

I DON’T Agree with the forgiveness movement.  I advocate honest change in behavior.

I’ve seen many phrases going around that posits forgiveness as a healer, a panacea for a victims anger and discontent over what was done.  However, I know better and anyone else who has been slighted, especially by family or friends, knows better.  Forgiveness is not for the victim, it is for the person being forgiven to feel better.  I am not a fan on rushed feel good moments, because on the other side of that, is an incomplete person that is still hurting, unhealed and confused without any answers. This is not to say that the answers lie in the perpetrators explanation because many people have bad behavior due to generational wounds and other automatic behaviors that even they can not pinpoint.  My argument is the healing is not in the forgiving but in modifying the actions within ourselves that caused the rift in the first place in order to create lasting change.

This is not just about the act of saying “I FORGIVE YOU” it is about what we command in our lives after  the words have been said and how we raise our expectations as a result (victim and perpetrator).  I very well may forgive my friend for calling me names but will I still continue to be her friend or allow her to continue to call me or stand by while she calls others nasty names?  This is where I feel the ‘work’ in forgiveness needs to come in.  We can all say the words, but to command different action is quite another issue.

I read/hear many conversations regarding how to forgive, stating that not forgiving is detrimental to health and well-being – I would say that not commanding the respect you deserve is also a detriment to your whole well-being.  If a person were not to choose to not forgive someone but also command the appropriate treatment, one would consider this incomplete.  However, if one were to forgive then continue to allow the individual to do the same things, they’d be considered stupid.  I say this to show that people are stuck on the words being said and not the work being done.

This reminds me of when we do something like yell at our children (because all parents do at some point) – then the child forgives the apologetic parent.  If two days later the parent yells again, then a few days after that does this not create a pattern in your child’s mind of accepting inappropriate reactions and behaviors as long as the person apologizes and they can forgive?  However, if the parent is asked by the child to just stop yelling already, the parent may take a more reflective stance on their yelling and realize its because they are stressed, or taking things personally, and can then step back to analyze solutions instead of continuing to feel the behavior is acceptable.  In this example, the child does not have to forgive you – you have to check yourself.  Frankly if you stick to forgiveness as a prerequisite to your healing once forgiveness has been bestowed if reflection and changed behavior does not follow – it is not forgiveness that is required but an awakening to your behaviors.  This can happen without forgiveness. Insert any scenario with any loved one and the same will remain true.

Keeping boundaries are a powerful reminder of your self worth and having boundaries is a powerful reminder that you have a personal responsibility to those you say you love.

MOMMYMAGIC SELF CARE TIP: Many of us have a disconnection from our sense of safety in this world, especially since our childhoods are disrupted by mental and emotional mismanagement of adults in our lives.  In order to reconnect, use the mantra “I am safe as I am” or “I create my realities daily”…these mantras will ground you and empower you to take control of your life so that you are no longer living with the childish fears that hold you back.

Email me at momevolve@gmail.com or info@cecileedwards.com
I want to hear from you – how you practice self care, how you have been healing your relationship with yourself and others.
With love,