“Mothering Ourselves”

Mothering is truly the highest calling.  Children believe their MOTHER to be GOD.  As they should.  Mommy gives birth, teachers, steers, gives insight, loves unconditionally, is a constant person children want to lean on and is ever present and even omniscient.   However, many mothers feel out of sorts, discouraged, frantic and overwhelmed.  How are there such low feelings in some about such a high position in society?  First, mothers are given so many messages about what they should be by society, i.e., soccer mom, vixen mom, serious mom, push over mom, over bearing mom, just to name a few.  But where is the room for a mother to just “BE” to express her authentic self while pushing through for herself and future generations.  Yes there are periods of frustration, when we mess up, have our shoulda-coulda-woulda’s….but these moments are too often dwelled on and serve as the basis for mother hood.  The “super powers” our children think we have fall short at times but they can and are powerful when mother’s mother themselves.

What does it mean to mother yourself?

In short it means to speak kindly to yourself but speak with truth, power and love.  It means to prioritize yourself because you care so deeply for your spiritual, mental, physical well-being that you refuse to allow anyone to disrespect you (including you).  Just today I was beating myself up about something I ate and realized that beating myself up was negative self talk.  Instead I got on my exercise bike to burn off calories, which made me feel better and gave the cookies I ate no power.  Most importantly it taught me that when I make missteps I can go within to discover why – I learned that oftentimes we do things out of automation, but we can certainly discipline ourselves.  This is a small example of disempowering negative thoughts.  Do you have a plan for self care?  This can include meditation, prayer, cooking, baking, talking to a trusted loved one – all of these are part of mothering self – mothers do and did all these to nurture you.

The powerful impact of mothering self is that you become more free to “be” exactly who you are in the moments when you want to think about who others may want you to be.  The beauty of this is that you in turn teach your children or any youth you impact to learn, know and love themselves….your shoulda-coulda-woulda’s will turn into I did, I am and I will.  It raises your confidence to create because– you are a creator, a master at manifestation and deserve all the bounty life has to offer.

Mommyevolve loves to assist women in learning how to mother themselves, whether you are on a budget or ballin’ you deserve more, they best is yet to come and we assist you in finding it.  Email me at momevolve@gmail.com or info@cecileedwards.com for information on how we can work together and sign up for the newsletter to stay in touch.

I love you,

 

Mother’s love begins with themselves……

Mother’s are pulled everywhere.  The children, the home, ensuring everything is in order, bills are paid, clothes are laid, beds are made.  This is a cute rhyme but also a busy reality for MANY women who have chosen to be mothers.  Within all of the mayhem of working we often hear women say…..”I DON’T EVEN HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF?”———It is time to shift that mentality.  We hear about self love often but what does self love mean?  Can we say we love ourselves yet run ourselves ragged….can we say we love ourselves and not eat right or exercise?  can we love ourselves and not take time out for connecting and re-connecting with our creator – Great mother – God – Jesus – Buddah or whatever spiritual entity gives you strength and love, unconditionally.  How can we run around, never stop to hear our inner higher selves  yet proclaim love of self?  This is not a quip that is bent on being harsh or making anyone feel bad.  It is a part of what I do which is to get others to think and align, words with deed!  It is how I have gotten through my misalignment, fear, anxiety, etc.  I knew I was not living in my center, in my truth….in fact I realized that I was running on ‘E’ trying to fuel everyone else.   That kind of craziness can only leave you depleted and defeated.  So what does self love look like to me today?  Not worrying to death, meditation, coloring, singing, accepting praise and adoration, DOING what I know is best, only accepting what is best for me and nothing less, sleeping at night, exercising, doing what I said I would if it feels right, not taking on extra responsibilities, activating faith, being around people I love and adore, setting clear boundaries, and not talking bad about myself!  I mean it’s gotten so good that I even dream of myself in better terms…that is how we know it is working!

Self love can take on many forms and processes…..what would self love, authentic self love, look like for you? Whatever it is, start practicing it today.

INTRODUCTION

Mommy evolve started as a way to bring practical solutions, candid conversation, empowerment and community to mothers. Whether you are a single mother, married, or happily co-parenting we as mothers have two important pieces of the parenting puzzle to ensure we manage well. 1. Ourselves 2. Our children. While we hear the adage that “parenting does not have a manual”, and while it doesn’t because each child is unique, there are certain UNIVERSAL knowledge that can be implemented to improve your relationship with your child(ren), reduce stress, and stay balanced. I use professional advice through books and stories and anecdotes, offer real solutions that require mothers to take a good hard look at themselves and the generational wounds that they may carry or unprocessed lessons that restrict them from forming a deep understanding of their role as parent.

Frankly as a parent and teacher I am appalled and tired of hearing adults alienate teens with phrases like “these children these days” “why are they like this?” “my parents would have….if I would have”. While frustrations keep us from recalling our own teen years which most likely caused disturbances and many of the same questions for your parents, we still need to realize that our youth of today are our future doctors, police, firemen/women, lawyers, government workers, fast food servers, actors, directors, etc. We assist them in nurturing that. In addition there are many ailments our children must nurture because WE dropped the ball on work, peace, world hunger, homelessness and poverty, environmental degradation….so who are we really pointing the finger at? Furthermore, Mothers are essential because in US Gallup studies it has been found that teenager see mothers as better understating, best role model and also mostly likely to argue with.   Go figure, but it makes sense because persons that you admire yet that society feels has control may breed contention.

This blog builds a conversation point for parenting and personal development, understanding and community for mothers to gain insight be candid but NOT live in shamed or guilt. I love you all!

Book Review: Don’t Blame Mother: Mending the mother daughter relationship by Paula J. Caplan

Through the process of writing a book about intergenerational healing in families I do research. I’ll write about the contents of the book in another post.  It is heartening to know that other authors have taken on the ideas already because it is not easy to consider. There is so much emotion around mothering, motherhood, childhood memory, etc.  There are grand expectations of mothers and for various reasons.  I started to read this book and so many emotions arose for myself which cause me to reevaluate some of my thoughts and actions. This first review points out some relevant and poignant ideas of the preface, Chapter 1 and 2.

Preface:  Caplan begins to discuss the ideas surrounding the mother blaming culture we live in.  While I recognize that women are in their own process even while mothering another person, I never thought of societal mother blaming but do understand that society often does ask people to look at Mothers with a lot of scrutiny when things are bad or good about a person.  In this section of the book Caplan also points out that perspectives of marginalized mothers or those of different ethnicities are specific. She lists the following books as resources: Generations of women in Their own words by Mariana Cook and Jamaica Kincaid, Phyllis Cheslers’ Letters to a young Feminst, Mothering Against Odds: Diverse Voices of Contemporary Mothers, Crossing the Color Line: Race, Parenting and Culture, Single mamahood: Advice and Wisdom for the African American Single mother to name a few.  Clearly mother shaming, like any other topic crosses cultures and ethnicities and one must be aware of the element that culture each carries.

CHapter 1 &2: Caplan states “our feelings about our mothers have profound effects on our relationships with our daughters and with women in general” pg. 8  I do not fully agree with this.  While this may be the case, sometimes your issues are valid and oftentimes pointing out a digression is not a failing.  I do however agree that “when we tell the story of our relationship with each other, a mother and daughter teach each other parts of the truth” (pg. 11).  Because we all process reality through our eyes but I do not see teaching someone how to treat us, even if it’s our mother that we are creating a myth.

This chapter discusses the myth about the perfect mother/witch, anger at our mother, blocking out or avoiding our mothers anger, fear of repetition, self-confidence, alienation, overwhelm about a new idea regarding motherhood or not knowing what to do within the paradigm mothers are given.

In all powerful points are brought up.  I look forward to delving more deeply into this book and discovering why I am so triggered by it. As a daughter and mother, I get to evaluate my own myths about MY motherhood and those that perhaps came from my mothering.  In all I am glad to be on this journey to discover parts of my self that I didn’t know affected me. It is also always heartening to learn about the cultural traps that bind many of us unbeknowst to us.  Mother Shaming? what have we come to as a society?

entrepreneurial spirit and mom go hand in hand; grow your talents for yourself and your children

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